Lead from the front, coach from behind

You may have noticed there was no blog post last Monday. I was in the midst of an epic camping trip with my son, Andrew. We spent a few nights in the Uwharrie Mountains (the little mountains) in North Carolina. It was a great outing.

During one of our hikes (we managed about 2 per day over the 3 days) I was struck by how our father/son relationship had changed. It also made me think that such changes may just be a natural course of leading others to become leaders.

Andrew took the lead on the first day out. He led us along the blazed path through the tall trees and the filtered sunlight. We talked as we went and had a great day. The next day it was my turn to lead – or so I thought. I put on the backpack that held our water and Gatorade and we made our way to one of the more strenuous trails. It wasn’t long before I noticed that Andrew was not falling in behind me. He was right off my shoulder most of the time. It dawned on me that he was itching to take the lead. I’m not sure he even realized it, but I did. So, I let him lead (nicely, I did not make him take the “leader” backpack).

It was along that hike on the second day that I began to think about how things have changed between he and I. There was a time when I did all the leading. I would take his hand and guide him to places. I would venture out in front and show him the way (physically, morally, philosophically). Sure, there were times when he would dart ahead and I would have to call him back. That was just part of the learning curve. But now, as we hiked and he led the way, I began to consider how things have changed.

I  will say that it might have been easy for me to get nostalgic for the days when he wanted to follow my lead. It might have even been easy for me to feel a bit melancholy over the loss of our previous relationship. But, that wasn’t the case. I am proud of how my children have developed. I love that both Andrew and his sister, Rebecca, are becoming their own persons, ready to take on life. On this hike, that day, I began to understand my role had moved from leader to coach. Where I used to lead from the front, I now was being called to coach from behind.

The reality of my children growing into adulthood is not that they now can do life on their own without me. It’s just that they need me to be with them in a new way. Andrew led the way on the hike, but I had some input as to where we went and the best course of action. I did have to decide, at times, to give in to his opinion over mine, but that’s coaching. I had to either let him show me he knew what he was doing or let him learn from the mistake I thought he was making.

Those same lessons apply to other areas of his life as well. I am no longer there to lead him along the way. He lives in Aggieland, which is 2 hours away from me. While I may not be able to lead, I can coach. Andrew will call me and ask my advice, or I will call him to check on his progress in his work in the church or in his classes. We’ll talk about the challenges he faces and how he can best do that. I continually pray for God to give me the wisdom I need to be a good coach to him.

Then there was my leadership meeting yesterday afternoon.  I have been in my current role as pastor of Asbury UMC for 7 years at the end of this month. There have been times when I had to take a clear role of leading from the front. I had to set the direction and convince people we needed to go down this path and not that path. Sometimes I got it right, other times, not so much. But, I took the lead and all the responsibility of that role. Yesterday as I sat with this group of leaders I began to understand that my role was changing. Maybe it already had I just had not yet accepted it – but either way, I realized it yesterday.

I am not currently called to lead from the front. Others are working to set the direction and to help others understand the way forward. I expect there are times when they will get it right and other times, well, not so much. Do I still have input as to our direction? Surely I do. Are there times when I will need to speak up due to my belief that we are making a harmful wrong turn? Surely there are. But, my task now is not to set the path and lead from the front. My job is to encourage and offer input and coach from behind.

I guess what happened for me yesterday was that I was trying to take the lead when I suddenly realized there were others just off my shoulder who were having a hard time following. It wasn’t because they didn’t trust me or that they wanted the lead role, it was just where they are at this time. The leaders of our church are stepping up and want to help manage the journey. So, I will fall in behind them and coach them from there. If the end result is anything like the week I spent in North Carolina being led by my son, then I will have a great time and experience life in a very meaningful and wonderful way.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

Jesus likes Value Meals

I have become obsessed with food lately. It’s not what you think. Those who know me know I have been working to lose weight, but my obsession is not a backlash effect of my attempt to eat healthy. I still try to keep myself on that narrow path. No, my obsession is more about the value of sharing a meal more than the joy of eating the food.

I have come to realize what may be obvious to many of you – sharing a meal together connects us to one another in significant ways. There is a shared intimacy and a closeness that comes when sitting around a table enjoying some good food.

That thought leads me to another thought – how we develop our sense of connection to one another as followers of Jesus Christ. It seems to me that gathering together in a Sanctuary for worship or in a classroom for learning are both helpful activities, but those are not as effective at helping us build relationships. Developing a deep connection with others happens more quickly and more significantly when we share a meal together. So, it seems we should be doing more of that – inviting others to join us for a meal so we can foster deeper relationships.

That thought leads me to another thought – how can we develop a deeper connection to people in our community? Well, I guess it happens the same way – begin to share meals together. I wish I could say exactly how that might happen, but I am not certain. I am persuaded this is the direction to go, now I am trying to figure out ways to go this direction.

One thing I can tell you is that Jesus had something to say about making our meal time most valuable – at least from his perspective. In his telling of the story, Luke tells us that Jesus spoke about “value meals.”

Then Jesus said to his host, ”When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
(Luke 14:12-14)

For Jesus, meals were important ways to build relationships.  And the best relationship you could build were ones with people who were otherwise ignored or dismissed. The most valuable meal you could have was one where you shared food with someone who needed the blessing of food and fellowship.

All of that leaves me with the question of how can I do that? I have become obsessed with this question about sharing a meal. I have become obsessed with the notion that food and fellowship are a means to bless others. I have come to believe that Jesus like value meals. As I said, I can’t figure out what exactly this means or how an introverted person like myself is supposed to make this happen, but I also cannot escape the fact that God is ready to help me figure this out.

So, maybe God will use you to help me. Any thoughts or advice?

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

The Christian work of counter-terrorism

It was this picture that made it click. Two young girls helping to paint a house on a community-wide multi-denominational work day. I realized that this was the answer and we’ve had it all along. It’s not flashy. It’s not something any government contractor will be able to monetize. But, it is the most effective weapon we have to counter the work of terrorists and people intent on making statements via mass destruction, mayhem, and death.

It’s not painting that will solve the problem. It’s not even children who will save the day or the future – well not per se. The weapon we have is HOPE. Those young girls were involved in a HOPE attack executed through careful planning and undertaken by people dedicated to operating on the fringes of society.

The churches of our area made a concerted effort to blanket the city with acts of love and kindness. They painted houses and they rebuilt porches. They made access to homes safer and took down tree limbs that threatened to take out the roof in the not-too-distant future. These young girls in the picture were part of a force of people who made others believe that love is alive and that generosity and kindness can rule the day. That’s what is otherwise known as HOPE.

Our church has a recently adopted mission statement that at first blush seems nebulous and abstract. But, as you let it sink in, as you begin to imagine how you can live into this statement, when you put it against the backdrop of bombings and devastating industrial accidents, it becomes the evident solution for the world we live in. The statement?

Helping people experience the HOPE of Jesus Christ

It happens when people give up their Saturday to cut down a big dead tree in the front yard of their neighbors. It happens as people replace siding and shingles and repaint a house. It happens when we take our children along with us and show them what it means to love our neighbors – even the ones we have not yet met. The more we can help others experience the hope of Jesus Christ through the followers of Jesus Christ, the less impact the terrorists have. When the people who say they love God and seek to love others go and truly love with their hands and feet, they paint a picture that begins to cast a shadow over the pictures of the tragedies. We don’t want people to ignore or forget what happened. But neither do we want people to believe all is lost.

The counter move to terrorism is kindness. To counter acts of violence we must fill the world with acts of love. To change fear into hope we must continue to blanket our community. We must begin to know our neighbors – across the street, across town, and across racial, ethnic, economic, and religious lines.

Two young girls and many others, led by parents and pastors and friends, fired a warning shot across the bow of the ship of fear and terror. Don’t bother trying. You can’t win. Hope is our weapon of mass rejuvenation. And the leader we follow has already taken out your threat of death and destruction. We will not bow down and we will not stop.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

Religion vs Relationship

It’s become something of a catch-phrase these days, at least for some: “Christianity is about a relationship not a religion.” I like the way that sounds. Having come to a place in my life where I want to walk WITH Jesus and know him more and introduce others to him, I like to think of my faith as a relationship with God, not simply a religious way of living.

And yet, it can still be hard to figure out what the difference is. I still go to church – religiously. I have a time of prayer each morning using an order of common prayer – and I do that, well, religiously. We give our offering to the church every month – EVERY month. That’s just our custom in regard to our giving. It could be every week. The point is, it is regular, religious practice. So what is it that makes my faith more about relationship than religion?

It hit me the other day when I was in a conversation about living into our life in Christ. One of the persons I was talking to said that they had come to realize that their view of their Christian faith centered around what they preferred to do and how they wanted to live their life. For them, faith was about the measure of how proper a person’s life is. Faith was about how they could live their life and not offend God. In this line of thinking and living out our Christian faith we say things like, “Can I do this__________ and be okay with God?” At the far extreme of this thinking is a question asking a pastor or teacher this question – “Why can’t I _____________?”

The first question is seeking to figure out how much of my life I must surrender to God – how much I have to give up.
“Can I go out fishing/hunting/golfing with friends and drink a beer or two?”
“Can I watch R-rated movies and be okay with God?”
“Can I skip church sometimes to relax and enjoy the day and still be considered a good Christian?”

The second question is a bit more confrontational. The second question requires a pastor or teacher or supposedly “good” Christian to make a convincing argument about certain “religious” practices.
“Why can’t I worship God wherever I am? Why do I have to go to church?”
“Why can’t I enjoy the money I earned and make a good life for my family? Why do I have to give money to the church?”

Both ways of asking these questions has to do with what I need to do so God is pleased with me, or to be certain that God is, at least, not unhappy with me. How much is enough to please God AND let me live life in the way I like to live? What must I do, and why? These are questions about how to be properly, but minimally, religious as a Christian.

I used to ask questions like that as I explored my life as a Christian. At times I asked those questions with all sincerity wanting to do the right things. Then I read something like Paul’s words to the believers in the ancient city of Corinth:

 “All things are lawful,” but not all things are beneficial. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.
(1 Corinthians 10:23)

Paul is basically saying that grace abounds and you can do what you want. The question is, why are you doing what you do? In my life I began to realize that God wasn’t trying to control my actions, God was trying to capture my heart. God didn’t want me to figure out the best way to be a “good” Christian; God wanted me to spend my life with Him. I began to see it more like a marriage or a friendship. Instead of asking my wife: “what can I do to make certain you don’t divorce me?” I ask: “What can I do to honor you and love you?” Instead of asking my friend: “what can I do so you’re not mad at me when I call every few months?” I ask: “What can I do to make your life better or help you accomplish your goals?”

For me, the question had to change. If I wanted to have a relationship with God in Jesus Christ and through the power of God’s Holy Spirit, if I wanted to know the love and peace and strength of God in my life then the question had to change. Instead of ”Why can’t I____?” or “Can I____?” My question has become: “What would you have me do?”

“What would you have me do?” That is a relationship question. That’s a question that opens my life up to new possibilities. That’s a question that says “I want to be close to you and honor you and show my loyalty to you.” That is a question that leads me to live my life religiously.

Why do I go to church? Because it is in the gathering of God’s people, in the time when the community joins hearts and voices in praise to God, it is there that God is powerfully present and God is properly honored.

Why do I spend time in prayer each morning? Because God has said, “I want to be with you, I want to connect with you, and I want to nurture your life in a purposeful way.” So I spend time opening up my life and heart to God so God can pour His heart into me – it is a mutual relationship.

Why do I give to the church religiously? Because God has let me know that in acts of generosity I honor the fact that he created me to bless others. God has shown me that grace and mercy and love are all ways of being generous, and when I am generous I open myself up to know God’s grace and mercy and love.

All things are lawful. God’s desire is not to control us. And yet, all things are not beneficial. God longs to pour himself into our lives. The more we open ourselves up to God, the more God can pour His grace and power and strength into our lives. And that is a life that is beyond anything I can manage to bring about on my own.

So, my encouragement today is this – ask God, at least once each day, “What would you have me do?” Then listen. Then do what you hear God calling you to do – and do it religiously.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

A Changing (and challenging) Preposition

Yes, that title correctly says “preposition,” though you may think it means to say “proposition.” I want to talk to you about changing prepositions as a way to reclaim or fully claim our life as followers of Jesus. I want to encourage you in what God has been speaking to me.

Our greatest possibility for impacting the lives of others and helping people experience the HOPE of Jesus Christ comes in changing from “FOR” to “WITH.”

Now, before I get to the meat of that change the “Spiritual Health Association” (or the SHA) requires that I offer this cautionary warning first. If you are wondering what the SHA is, simply put, it is something I just made up. But, that does not diminish the validity of the warning I am about to give.

CAUTION: “with” is much messier than “for”

Okay, now that you’ve been so warned, let’s talk about what it means.

“FOR” is a very common word in our Christian vocabulary – and not a bad word. When needs arise around us we often try to think about what we can do “for” the person or entity in need. And again, it’s not a bad thing. When we hear about a village in Nicaragua where people do not have regular access to good, clean water, we want to do something “for” them. And we do. Our church, for example, is working to raise money to send a team to Nicaragua to help drill a water well and hoping to raise enough money to pay for the costs of drilling that well. Now, in fairness to our efforts, we are going there to work “with” the people of Nicaragua and that village. But, in the end, it will be something we have done “for” them.

Let’s bring it a bit closer to home. When we have people in our community who have needs – they struggle to have food on the table – our hearts go out to them and we want to do something “for” them. And we do. We give money to the food bank, we put together holiday food baskets, etc. Again, not a bad thing to do something “for” someone else.

We can move even closer and talk about our life in the church. How many of us volunteer to do something “for” the church? We usher at the worship service, we sing in the choir or praise band, we teach a class, we fix the broken things around the building. We do things “for” the sake of the church and the activities of the church – not bad.

But what if we decided to purposely shift from “for” to “with?” What if we decided to walk “with” people in our community who are struggling to make ends meet? What if we purposely decided to live in their neighborhood “with” them? What if instead of providing a meal at the holidays we invited them to eat “with” us in our home? What if we invited a struggling family to live “with” us for a time as we walk “with” them into a more hopeful future?

What if we decided that serving the church is not about doing a job “for” the church but instead is about serving “with” others? What if the work of ushering became a means of loving our brothers and sisters so much that we want to make their time of worship meaningful? What if singing in the choir was about worshiping “with” our brothers and sisters more than singing a song “for” them? What if going to church each week was not about doing something “for” ourselves or “for” God and instead became a way that we join “with” our fellow disciples to spend time “with” God?

I know, I am rambling and many of you reading this may be thinking you already have this mindset. The good news for me is that these blogs are my musings more than a treatise, so it may not be completely clear. The bad news for us is that I don’t think we live “with” each other as much as we could. Living “with” each other means we open ourselves up to one another. Living “with” each other happens not as a congregation, but as a small band of disciples living and growing together. Living “with” each other means we come together to share meals and share our lives and confess our sins. Living “with” each other means when a brother or sister falls into a pit, we jump in to help them out. It means sharing all we have “with” brothers and sisters in need without hesitation. It means that our desire to help others overcome issues of poverty and prejudice goes from doing something help “for” them to opening up our lives to walk “with” them.

“With” is messier than “for,” no doubt. It means taking a risk and knowing others whom you try to love more deeply will take advantage of you. It means giving up your own comfort in order to make HOPE more real for someone else. It means making a commitment to a small group of disciples and connecting with them as family. It even means disconnecting from family and friends in order to connect with others. You may have to forget what is behind and reach for what God has put ahead of us.

And here is the most significant lesson we need to learn about life “with” others – especially those who we seek to do things “for”: We need to learn to accept that others who are “in need” have much to teach us. We need to learn that we don’t have it all right just because our life is alright. There was a day when a woman of questionable reputation came to Jesus when he was at the home of a church-going religious leader. She began to weep in his presence and washed his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. The religious man was appalled that Jesus would let this happen. Jesus used it to teach the man about what it means to worship God and give thanks for the grace God gives. This woman knew the grace of God in such a way that she offered an act of worship. It wasn’t that she went to church or said all her prayers, it was simply an honest act of gratitude. Jesus said that her act was a greater work than the moral life this man was living. Where he lived his life “for” God, this woman wanted to live her life “with” Jesus.

Again, I wish I had a greater clarity of what this could mean. But all I know right now is that Jesus came as “God with us” – Emmanuel. He gave up the power and comfort of heaven to enter into this life in order to help us know a greater HOPE than we could find anywhere else. Yes, he did something “for” us in dying on the cross, but his greatest promise was this: “I will be WITH you always…” He spent his time not with the religious people, but with sinners and prostitutes and those most in need of HOPE. He also spent time with a small band of disciples walking with them and helping them grow as he lived among the poor and outcast. So, ultimately, for me, it comes down to this – if I am a follower of Jesus Christ how is he calling me to walk “with” and live “with” others, especially those who need HOPE the most? How am I living and learning “with” a small band of disciples?

Maybe I will eventually make more sense of this and I can post another blog entry. But for now, this will have to do. I look forward to your help in working through this.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

P.S. Soon after the day when I was pondering this “with” idea on a walk and talk with my son, another friend posted this link to a lengthy but more theologically astute article about this same idea. I do not deny that some of my thoughts in writing this blog post were also influenced by this article. However, the ideas in the article simply joined the thoughts already in progress inside my brain:
http://thecresset.org/2013/Easter/Wells_E2013.html

Life Together

Life is good. Life together is better.

Life can be hard. Life together can be harder.

I sound double minded, I know. But I’m betting you can nod your head at both statements.

Life can be good. We can know a sense of joy and peace within that passes understanding. We also know that sharing life with others is better than always being alone. It’s good to have people around you to hold you up and walk with you.

We benefit by having those people around us because sometimes life is hard – internal struggles and anxieties creep in. Illnesses, job situations, money struggles – these are all things that can make life difficult. Oh, I forgot to mention relationships. Life together. That can be hard as well. Sure it’s good to have people around you, but what do you do when people are the  problem? What do you do when you have differences of opinion and differing priorities?

Life together can be good. It can also be a real challenge. So it helps to remember what Jesus said about how others will see us as witnesses to his love and grace. He didn’t say, “They will know you are my disciples by the way you plan your life together.” He did not say, “They will know you are my followers by the way you are all of one mind without any disagreement or difference of opinion.” No, he said this as a command, which would be a sign to others around us:

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
(John 13:34-35 NRSV)

Love one another. In spite of your differences, in the midst of the good times and the bad times, whether you agree or disagree, love one another just as Jesus loves.

Therein lies the key to life together. Love.

But what is love? Well, love is TIME spent intentionally with others just to be with them. While it’s easy to spend time with the people we like and know well, it takes more effort to give our time to others to whom God has connected us (I am thinking specifically of the local church and small groups). Love is GENEROSITY. Not only do we give our time to others, but we give them our best efforts and we give them time we could spend doing other things. Love is LISTENING. I hate even putting that one down because this is where I find myself least loving. I don’t always listen well.

I’m sure you can add your own ideas to this list. But let me offer a challenge to you as you do – who are the people, the other followers of Jesus Christ with whom God has called you to live together in love? How are you spending time with other believers? How is your love for them a witness to the world of how love can happen even among people of different stripes, different ethnicities, and differing political opinions? That’s the witness I think the world needs most.

Life together – it is good, it is hard, it is the way God helps others see the truth and the possibilities of His love and grace.

That’s my musing for this Monday.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike

To Hell in a Hand-puppet

Photo by Rion (http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sock-puppet.jpg#file)

I sat there with my mind racing… Children’s time on Palm Sunday. We had made a grand procession around the room – so many little ones and it was such a good moment. And then we put the palm branches in the vases at the front of the church and I had the children sit down so we could have our “children’s time.” And I sat there with my mind racing…

Palm Sunday is an easy children’s message. It’s a parade. It’s a celebration. We love Jesus and so did the people of Jerusalem way back then. They waved their branches and shouted “Hosanna!” They celebrated Jesus much like we do. Palm Sunday is an easy children’s message – as long as you don’t think too hard about what comes next.

It is a detriment to our faith and our life in Christ when we move from the triumphal entry straight on into Easter. We have to deal with the fact that Jesus suffered and died on the cross – death MUST precede resurrection. At least by the definition I know. This is what I was going to preach in just a matter of minutes. I was going to speak as grown-ups do about difficult things and the realities of the world we live in – which is just like the one Jesus lived in. We must look to the cross if we are to see the power of the empty tomb.

That’s a message I preach to the church. But yesterday my struggle came as I faced the children.

Most of the time I like doing children’s messages. I enjoy getting a little silly in order to help them understand God’s great love for them. I try to have a real message to teach them. Some moments are better than others, but I try. However, yesterday we paraded around the room with palm branches and had lots of fun doing it. And as we sat down I realized I needed to say something about the cross. I just struggled to find a good way to do it.

I’m not sure you can use object lessons to teach the crucifixion. I can’t figure a way to use a hand-puppet to show the hell Jesus went through. It’s something I must get better at doing. Not using hand-puppets. Communicating the cross to the children. It’s a careful balance between the reality of violence and death and the tenderness of childhood. It’s a balance I tend to teach in an unbalanced way.

Maybe my thought is that there will be time enough to teach the children about the truth of Jesus’ brutal death – an important piece of our historical faith. Maybe my thought is that having the children know Jesus as one who is alive and worthy of praise is the more important lesson to begin with.

For whatever reason it may be, I guess I just can’t take our kids to hell in a hand-puppet. But, at the same time, I can’t NOT take youth and adults there in some manner or another.

This is Holy Week. This is the week we will remember the “passion” or suffering of Jesus. He will willingly go and die at the hands of sinners in  order to be the final sacrifice for all sinners. He will die our death. That we must remember this week. Only then will the new life of Easter Sunday be made real in us.

Holy high-five to you,
Mike