That’s probably a more universal feeling among the followers of Jesus than I let myself believe. As I interact with others in various places – in person at church or in our leadership team, online with Facebook and Twitter – I am sometimes uncomfortable with the person others are seeing. I look at the tweets and posts of others, I hear their kindness and appreciation of others, and I realize the voice I hear in my head as I talk is not always like that. I perceive a great confidence and self-assurance in the words of others but in my own I see arrogance and self-righteousness.
I wish I saw and heard those things before I spoke or tweeted or texted or whatever I’m doing to put my words out into the universe. I’m sure others wish I did also. (The real dilemma is that sometimes I do, which means my thoughts are even more prone to those problems than others would realize!)
This is the problem of ME. My sin is ever before me. And the enemy continues to point out the me I don’t like. The enemy speaks a word of doubt and insecurity into my ear – and I listen. “Others are better at this than you” … “If you were a better follower of Jesus you’d get things right more often than you do” … “Look at what others say or don’t say, then look at your own words, can’t you see how lame/arrogant/dismissive you sound?”
And then I talk to Jesus. He tells me the enemy is somewhat right in his evaluation of me – based on who I am. But, the enemy is dead wrong about me based on who HE (Jesus) is. “You are a sinner,” Jesus says, “but I have saved you from those sins. You are in need of sanctification (holy change), but that’s why I offer the Holy Spirit to you. You are weak in many areas, but in your weakness you can find my strength. Be at peace, live boldly with me in the Kingdom. You’ll get it wrong, and maybe even a lot, but don’t forget to look at yourself like I do. You’re not a problem, by grace through your faith you’re my brother – a co-heir in the Kingdom of our Father. That is the GLORY of you.”
I am always so glad to spend time talking to Jesus. I may not be the person I hope to be, but I am more than I used to be. I may not be worthy of the Kingdom, but I’ve been given the Kingdom even still.
If you find yourself struggling with who you are, remember, God has no issue with you except that you know and love and follow Jesus. God is okay with who you are and God offers to you the power of His Holy Spirit to transform you more and more into the likeness of the perfect one – Jesus Christ. You may not like who you are at times, but God sees you with different eyes.
And for that I say, Thanks be to God.
Holy high-five to you,